Student's Dragon on Jacket Actually a Unicorn, Popularity Hindered
West Linn, OR -
A local high school student's first day back from spring break, as well as any chance at further popularity among the ranks of his peers, came to an abrupt standstill when he learned his new jacket was not embroidered with a horned dragon breathing fire on the back as he had believed, but rather a unicorn with a long flowing mane.
Jeremy Jenkins, 15, was made aware of his erroneous purchase when Jed Stevenson, a senior on the wrestling team, pointed out to the congregation of students at the school's front doors that, "Jenkins has a freakin' unicorn on his jacket!"
"What a boner!" Stevenson added.
Jenkins turned quickly to see a large group of students pointing and laughing.
"I automatically went on the defensive," Jenkins said. "I tried to say that, no, it was a dragon!"
His pleas fell on deaf ears, though, when Stevenson pointed out the obvious unicorn features.
"The twirly horn with the sparkle at the end, the long flowing mane, the pink thread. You could tell it was a unicorn from a mile away, " Stevenson said. "It wasn't even close to a dragon, or whatever douchebag over here thought it was."
The event triggered a quick downturn in Jenkins' popularity, which was coincidentally low to begin with.
"I, like, never talked to him before because he was sort of weird, " Brittany Prentice, member of the sophomore winter cheerleading squad, said. "But he likes unicorns? That is beyond weird. That is, like, super weird or something."
Jenkins' loss of appeal to members of the opposite sex was not limited to the cheerleading squad. Commentary, both directly to his face and behind his back, came at him from girls on the basketball team, the debate club and even the band.
"I like unicorns too, " Kennah Harris, 2nd chair oboe, said. " But I'm a 14 year old girl."
Jenkins subsequently attempted a series of endeavors attempting to regain a fraction of respect, including a party he threw the next weekend while his parents were out of town.
"The party didn't work. A lot of people came but only because it was a house without parents. Most of them just walked in and called me a name that had the word 'unicorn' in it and broke most of our plates," Jenkins said. "Then, someone found the actual jacket in my closet and it was over from there. I don't even want to talk that."
"Yeah I can't believe we found the actual jacket. We were also really hoping his mom or sister had some sort of unicorn paraphernalia in the house somewhere, " a partygoer said. "We never did, but how funny would that have been?"
Further efforts to cloud his peers' memory of his stupid girly unicorn jacket have proven generally unsuccessful.
"I just want to be done with all of this," Jenkins said. "Man, I really wish I would have looked closer when I bought it."
Jenkins was further demoralized though upon learning from several people including this reporter, that, no, even a jacket with a dragon embroidered on it would have still been pretty gay.
A local high school student's first day back from spring break, as well as any chance at further popularity among the ranks of his peers, came to an abrupt standstill when he learned his new jacket was not embroidered with a horned dragon breathing fire on the back as he had believed, but rather a unicorn with a long flowing mane.
Jeremy Jenkins, 15, was made aware of his erroneous purchase when Jed Stevenson, a senior on the wrestling team, pointed out to the congregation of students at the school's front doors that, "Jenkins has a freakin' unicorn on his jacket!"
"What a boner!" Stevenson added.
Jenkins turned quickly to see a large group of students pointing and laughing.
"I automatically went on the defensive," Jenkins said. "I tried to say that, no, it was a dragon!"
His pleas fell on deaf ears, though, when Stevenson pointed out the obvious unicorn features.
"The twirly horn with the sparkle at the end, the long flowing mane, the pink thread. You could tell it was a unicorn from a mile away, " Stevenson said. "It wasn't even close to a dragon, or whatever douchebag over here thought it was."
The event triggered a quick downturn in Jenkins' popularity, which was coincidentally low to begin with.
"I, like, never talked to him before because he was sort of weird, " Brittany Prentice, member of the sophomore winter cheerleading squad, said. "But he likes unicorns? That is beyond weird. That is, like, super weird or something."
Jenkins' loss of appeal to members of the opposite sex was not limited to the cheerleading squad. Commentary, both directly to his face and behind his back, came at him from girls on the basketball team, the debate club and even the band.
"I like unicorns too, " Kennah Harris, 2nd chair oboe, said. " But I'm a 14 year old girl."
Jenkins subsequently attempted a series of endeavors attempting to regain a fraction of respect, including a party he threw the next weekend while his parents were out of town.
"The party didn't work. A lot of people came but only because it was a house without parents. Most of them just walked in and called me a name that had the word 'unicorn' in it and broke most of our plates," Jenkins said. "Then, someone found the actual jacket in my closet and it was over from there. I don't even want to talk that."
"Yeah I can't believe we found the actual jacket. We were also really hoping his mom or sister had some sort of unicorn paraphernalia in the house somewhere, " a partygoer said. "We never did, but how funny would that have been?"
Further efforts to cloud his peers' memory of his stupid girly unicorn jacket have proven generally unsuccessful.
"I just want to be done with all of this," Jenkins said. "Man, I really wish I would have looked closer when I bought it."
Jenkins was further demoralized though upon learning from several people including this reporter, that, no, even a jacket with a dragon embroidered on it would have still been pretty gay.
posted by Danny at 10:53 PM
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