The Onion

I'm going to get straight to the point. I want to write a story for the Onion. I plan on doing so by means of this blog. Let me outline my plan:

1. Write funny satyrical news stories about things ranging from politics to moving furnature, and the politics of moving furnature.

2. Sit here.

3. Receive email from the Onion stating that they want the rights to a story.

5. Provide rights in exchange for a dream coming true. And some money.

4. Send out annoying mass email with link and subject line: My article in the Onion.

5. Sit back and wait for vast riches and women...or vast riches of women...or vast riches of rich women...hot rich women.

So here we go, the Onion, you...are...mine...